The Mane Problem.

The time has come to bash up Somdev.He thinks I'm always RUDE.He doesn't realise that he's getting back a taste of his own medicine.When was the last time anybody heard Somdev utter something decent and sensible? He is just plain ANNOYING!!!!
So all the pjs in this post are directed against Somdev.Or rather Ankit Arora(whose every sentence begins with.....vot else but vot!).
Ankit Arora claims that his dad is a big-shot and owns a potato factory.So i guess Ankit should change his surname from arora to "aluwalia".
A new kind of disease is spreading.It's affecting all those who are tired of Ankit Arora.It's called "Arora Borialis".
You shouldn't ask Somdev what school or college he went to.Rather ask him about the "alu"mni club he belongs to.
His mother ensures that he eats only food that is served in "alu"minium foil.
What is Somdev's favourite Rabindrasangeet?
"Alu amar,Alu ogo, Alui hridoy bhora...".
Somdev/Ankit would make a bad politician.Why you ask.Because everytime he goes campaigning, he's sure to create a "voterfall" i.e a fall in the no. of voters.
Somdev is insecure about his own looks.Each time he mentions the word "vot" ,he thinks about the number of warts on his own face.
When in Spain(I guess Ankit has enough money to go on these foreign holidays), Somdev will greet people, not by saying "Aloha" but by saying "Aluha!".
The furniture in Somdev's house gave rise to the word "couch potato".
Somdev must have been good at Geometry.He seems to be always on the look out for points.Other than "vot" or "tsk...tsk.." ,the only thing he can say is "And the point being?".He clearly isn't satisfied with human beings.He wants point beings.
There are far too many things that are wrong with Somdev Thakur.No one can help him.He's doomed.
My only advice would be -"Somdev, wear a cap!".Or rather a turban.Your mane doesn't suit you.It makes you look unmanly or should I say "unmanely".
I'd like to end with a crappy poem. This God, Who thinks he's the racoon lord/Is flawed!
PS. Arindam, I'm sorry if i've hurt ur feelings by being too critical of Somdev.But u've got to realise that he's not the best kind of boyfriend/girlfriend to have around.

Not your regular Sunday.

I spent all of Sunday morning helping my mother sort out old newspapers.All of last month's papers carried stories about the anti-Olympic protests held by the global Tibetan community.I glanced upon a particularly telling picture-a poster hanging upon the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco that said,"The answer my friend is blowing in the wind". This immediately reminded me of something my little cousin had told me a couple of years back.We were both listening to Dylan when she, very seriously, asked me,"Didi, why does the man keep on saying -The ants are my friends/They are blowing in the wind?". I could only smile at her. Little did I know then that I would one day use it in a pj blog.
The various reports on China have inspired this fresh batch of pjs.
Hypothetical situation-A couple of Chinese talking in Bengali.
What did some worried authorities tell the Chinese Prime-minister after they heard about the Tibetan protests?
A: "Eto jhamelar por aamra aar olympic games chayi na!".
What is one of the main paradoxes about China?
A: The country is known for it's tea and yet it's name is"Chai....na!".
What is the Kolkatan's version of the Olympic Games?
A:An unending beer-drinking competion at OLY PUB!
I just heard that the West Bengal government has given a new name to the Maoists.They're now called "Maoshas" since they're as irritating as the other well-known parasites-"Moshas".( In school,my Bio teacher taught me that mosquitoes were PUBLIC ENEMY No. 1.Are they really?)
The Bengalis have been so interested in Chairman Mao that they decided to make an entire programme, exploring the way Mao eats.I'm sure all of you were aware that there was a programme on Zee Bangla called "Hao Mao Khao''.
And do you know that a lot of Indians are cannibals.After a meal, most of us have "Maori''.The New Zealand government is thus launching an attack on Indians.Watch out!
Now getting back to my other favourite subject-the IPL.As the telegraph rightly put it, the knignt-riders were completely "blown away''. But I guess, they none the less got a party from King Khan.Apparently the following songs were played at the party-
1."Riders in the storm" by the Doors.
2.Sridevi's famous dance number"Hawa Hawai"
3.And to top it all, there was Anu Malik(with his perpetually paralysed voice) singing "Dekho barish ho rahi hain/It's raining,it's raining,it's raining/Mera dil kho raha hain/My heart is paining,it's paining,it's paining"(All lit. students take note.You don't get lyrics as good as these).Shahrukh did his Kal-ho-na-ho heart attack scene for special effect.
Oh, and I must end this post with another Olympic joke that suddenly came to my mind.I'snt it ironic that they want fit athletes, even though the games are called the "All-limp-pics" .

IPL has to be the flavour of the season. It's on the news and entertainment channels,in the newspapers,on all the adverstisment boards,in the shops and in............pjs!
I have mixed feelings about the ban on Harbhajan Singh. But like Umar,I think he needs a bit of cheering up.Here are some pjs specially meant for bhajji and more general ones about the IPL.
11. What did Bhajji's mother say after she heard the news of his ban?
A: "Mein har subha, Harbhajan ke mangal ke liye har bhajan gati hoon.Phir bhi iski yeh halat!"
12. How should Bhajji spend his time now?
A: Since he's been ''banned'', it's high time he formed a "band".Then he can proudly say,"Mein ne sabki band baja di!".
13. Which political party should Bhajji join?
A: The Bhajpa
Oh by the way, I've decided to improve the joke I had earlier made about the Royal Challengers.
14.The RC fan said," Shaan-dar absence-e how can my team give a shaandar performance?"
And here's another Umar Gul joke which I had forgotten to include in the previous post.
15.What will Umar Gul's death wish be?
A: That his body been taken and buried in Gul-marg which uncannily sounds like gul-morgue.
And how can I forget David Hussey. The lad's playing well but he could do with a few pjs.
16.When David Hussey was trying to distract the bowler by laughing at his face,what did the umpire do?
A: He warned him and said, "Is bar hasi, to phasi."
17. What name is best suited for Hussey's wife/partner?
A: As ridiculous as it sounds here it is. Haseena Hussey.
Talking of Christian sisters and spouses, I sincerely hope that Dinda does not have one called Linda Dinda.If he does unfortunately have one, the two should make a trip to Bhatinda ,and in this heat ,drink only Mirinda!
Sine there's so much talk about Punjab I must add a non-IPL joke about the second most famous family of Punjab - the Manns.
18. What did one Gurudas Mann say to his brother Babu Singh Mann?
A: "Hey man/mann( whichever you like), hamari paarivar ka mann sumann vajay rakhna."
Oh, and to copy Shahrukh they've given a new name to their house.It's called Mannat and it makes perfect sense since thats what the manns are at.
Okay enough for today.I must keep more for tomorrow.

IPL pjs.

Yesterday I watched the Delhi daredevils-Knight riders match . Although I was delighted with Shoaib's effort,I was disappointed to find that his Pakistani team mate, Umar Gul did not get an opportunity to play and contribute to the side. Had I been an on-field reporter, I would cracked the following pjs to lighten his mood.
1.Hypothetical situation-Instead of a Sreesanth-Harbhajan controversy, there's been a Umar Gul-Ganguly controversy.After Umar hit Ganguly several times in the dressing room ,what did Dada say?
A: "Aar gul marish na!".
2.Umar Gul is advertising a particular product.What is it?
A: Dabur Gul-abari(It is natural unlike 'Fair and Handsome').
3.What will Umar Gul's autobiography be called?
A: Gul-dastan: A memoir written in "flowery" language.
4.What Is Gul's favourite song?
A: "Meri umar ke nawjawano......."
5. According to Jeff Boycott, how did gul develop his cricketing skills?
A: By playing "guli"(gulley) cricket.
Some other IPL jokes.......
6.Why is it clear that the IPL is a brain child of Lalit Modi?
A: Because it supports a "modi"fied version of the game.
7.These days Ganguly is not growing bolder,he's growing balder.The commentators were thinking of giving a "bald-by-bald" account of the game instead of a ball-by-ball account.They were heard joking that Ganguly listens to "Tak-ila Sunrise"(Tequila Sunrise)every morning.The team mates gave Dada a special name after the special win-"Bald-win".
8.A loyal Bengali supporter of the Royal Challengers (whose motto is-"jeetenge hum shaan se") apparently said, "My team is not playing well because the singer Shaan is not being able to give them much time.But please don't shaan(shun) the team."
9. I know why my friend,Reeti Roy is supporting Vijay Mallya's team. It's not because she's a fan of Dravid.It's because they are the "Roy''al Challengers.The family name must be kept alive.Her second favourie must be the Rajasthan "Roy"als.
10.What did a Bangladeshi tell Chris Gayle when he returned to the West Indies after not having played a single IPL match?
A: "Ei Gay-le(gele) aar ei ele! Cricket to khelle na, shudhu baazigar shombondhe 'baaze' kotha bolle."

The ocean of the streams of pjs.....

After several months of meticulously maintaining a blank blog, I've finally decided to write. A sip of onjus juice at Spencers,South City has set my creative juices flowing.This blog will be dedicated to (suprise,suprise!)........peejays."O what a piece of work is....peejay!" . The pjs will entertain and not offend. I promise you that they will go from bad to worse. And if anybody catches a good pj , remember to report it.Before i start , i must invoke the muses(Rukmini-my guru who has gone into voluntary retirement, and Sohini and Nilanjana- my constant source of encouragement) to aid me in the telling of these pjs,each so unique to the history of man.